Sex after menopause can still be great, fulfilling. Here's what you need to know.
Menopause is a real challenge. There's no sugarcoating it.
And while menopause is slowly gaining more attention, one vital aspect still tends to be overlooked: the impact it can have on our sex lives and relationships. There's an information gap when it comes to preparing people for what to expect, and there's also a lack of conversation around the sexual changes after menopause. This often leads women and their partners to feel alone and can leave couples suffering silently in sexless relationships.
So let's bridge this gap and have an honest conversation about the world of sex after menopause.
Menopause causes a lot of changes – especially when it comes to sex
Menopause begins about a year after a woman's last period. The lead-up to this, known as perimenopause, can last up to a decade. During this time, women experience menopausal symptoms while still having their periods. You might be familiar with the classic signs like hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia and mood swings. But there's more to it – weight gain, thinning hair, memory problems, incontinence, an increased risk of urinary tract infections, anxiety and depression. And then there are the effects on sexual wellbeing: vaginal dryness, narrowing, shortening, and pain, reduced desire and muted orgasms.
What does this mean for your sex life?
These changes can have a profound impact on your sexual well-being. They can lead to a cascade of effects, making women feel less confident, lose their sense of identity and even question their femininity. As a result, they might avoid or reluctantly engage in sexual activities, experiencing pain and resentment. These challenges often stay hidden, causing women to suffer in silence. The silence can lead to misunderstandings – partners may feel rejected and develop resentment because they don't feel desired.
Is aging the end of great sex?Absolutely not. Discover the truth.
But you don't have to stay trapped in this cycle.
Let's explore common questions and steps you can take to reclaim your sex life.
Your questions about sex and menopause, answered:
Is what I am feeling normal? You'll likely feel a wide-range of emotions during menopause. Give yourself permission to grieve the changes your body is growing through. Take time to process your feelings and memories triggered by this transition. Support from a therapist specializing in women’s health can help you manage your emotions.
How can I ease the physical discomfort? Visit a medical professional experienced in midlife care, like a gynecologist or a general practitioner. They can help address hormonal changes through various medical options, including hormonal treatment and procedures to tackle vaginal changes. They may refer you to a specialist like a physical therapist or psychologist to teach you exercises to manage pain.
Will I experience sexual desire again? Yes, you can, if you want to. Explore your body anew. Discover what pleases you now. Communicate your desires to your partner. Open, honest conversations about your needs and boundaries will only strengthen your connection.
How can I make sex more comfortable? Sex should be painless, generally speaking. Don't hesitate to use lubricants, pillows, and toys if needed. Remember, this journey is about embracing change and prioritizing your comfort.
How can I embrace this new chapter? Life is all about change, and menopause is a significant transition. Embrace your evolving desires and needs, and share these changes with your partner if you have one.
Menopause might throw curveballs your way, but it's crucial to remember that your sexual well-being is worth nurturing. By addressing the physical and emotional aspects of this transition and communicating openly with your partner or partners, you can create a fulfilling and vibrant sex life. You deserve nothing less.
Dr. Catalina Lawsin, PhD is a licensed psychologist who has been supporting sex and relationships for the past 23 years as a professor, researcher and clinician. Dr. Catalina offers support in her private practice, group programs and public talks. You can connect with Dr. Catalina @TheIntimacyDoc on TikTok, IG or TheIntimacyDoc.com